Once i’d grown up, i realized i didn’t really want to participate in the whole work/life thing after all. And in the end, i don’t have to anymore.

Growing up, i’d always taken advantage of whatever opportunities came along; and it wore me out. Now i can retire for real and not stress over letting opportunities slide.

Bottom line: regular life was kind of a disappointment, especially given the requirement of working some likely-meaningless job for most of your life — no thank you.

So you have to go on and find meaning elsewhere.

~

Sometimes it feels like i’m a split person. Split-brained, that is. Maybe it’s because of the TBI, but i seem to be able to hold contradictory thoughts at the same time. When i ask myself a question, i often come up with more than one answer; and the separate parts of my brain then have to struggle against each other to figure out which one wins.

~

I never wanted to start my story at the end, and then go back to the beginning.

Instead i prefer to tell a story from the beginning to the end, but with memories recalled along the way — more like the actual lived experience.

~

Sometimes i ask myself, “Has education made me happier over the course of my life?”

I grew up learning, and i still like to read; i like to watch the news. But has any of that actually made me any happier, or was i maybe better off not knowing all that stuff? Given that I can’t do a damned thing about any of it, being better informed hasn’t done me much good.

~

Maybe i spend three hours working on writing something and then realize that no one will want to read it for fun; so i have to make it an appendix, or an author’s note.

This whole book may as well be a series of author’s notes. Maybe a lot of books turn out that way. You never know where it’s going to take you, when you begin writing.

~

When you get to get to a certain age, you just don’t care about stuff that much anymore. You know that all causes cannot be saved, and none of it is really worth a damned anyway.

So you just let things happen, because they’re gonna happen anyway.

The hell with it.

Let it go.