I originally jumped off the bridge mostly because i didn’t want to participate in society. The whole girlfriend/marriage thing … incidental?

Maybe not.

Can i maybe find redemption in love again, thirty-five years later? I have high hopes.

~

Every time i start writing a story, it’s like i want to invent the world all over again — it’s that kind of optimistic: a clean break from the old world, with new rules in the new world.

~

Way back in 1992, i wasn’t ready to be a writer yet — i needed to live life first; and that became my primary job. Thirty-four years later, i finally feel like i’ve gotten somewhere.

Sure, i was never going to be a Stephen King; but i could bring my own brand of life to my writing.

~

But some days it’s also hard, life; i don’t really want to do the things that i should. I end up skipping parties that i should want to go to, but i just don’t have the heart to go to by myself — if my new girlfriend can’t make it, i’m not really interested. Maybe i’m just depressed. Maybe it’s part of the grieving process; i don’t know.

Or maybe i’m just being faithful to the new me.

~

Jagged Intelligence is a term used to describe some of the shortcomings of current (2026) AI; but it also applies to my own sometimes problematical mind (and the splintered brain it lives on).

~

Last month (April) was Sandi’s & my 13th wedding anniversary. She’s been dead a year and a half, and i forgot to celebrate it.

Instead i went to Ferry Beach (a UU retreat in Saco, Maine) with my new girlfriend, Cecilia, later in the month — that felt like a big deal, and we’re very much in love.

It seems a little crazy, continuing to live my life; but here i am, doing it. What else is there?

~

My love-life is is beginning to feel full-circle — 1991, 1993, 1995, 1997, 2007, 2011, 2026.

Looking back at serious relationships versus flings — not always easy to differentiate!