What if every day you woke up and you didn’t know — you didn’t remember — what you were supposed to be doing.

That’s me, every day.

I don’t remember what i’m doing, or what the big plan was; so i just make it up as i go along, do the best i can. And now that i’m with someone again, some things have changed — i’m having such a good time that i’ve pretty much stopped writing.

Usually i wrote when i had something to say, and that something was often related to being alone. I wrote from a place of pain. Maybe i also wrote from having no one to talk to; and being with someone again has taken away most of my desire to write, since i can just talk to them instead of writing it down.

~

Sometimes i get a few minutes, in between jobs, to catch up on writing (or whatever). If i do, it’s fine; if i don’t, it’s also fine — no big deal.

The universe is one.

~

My experience writing? The stuff i write, i just want to be finished or get to a stopping place. It’s work.

Mostly i write because i have to; because something — some thought or feeling — is nagging at me and won’t let me alone until i process it, either by writing about it or talking about it (and if i do talk about it, it’s probably just a prelude to writing about it, even if it’s just a couple of sentences).

~

Just making it through one day at a time with a partner again has become enormously satisfying and fulfilling. Life is good.

Waking up next to someone every morning is a huge reward.

She takes me out of the world that i’m normally in; she gives me variety. My fragmented personality has a new fragment again — love.