The first year after Sandi’s death was just surviving. The second year will be trying to get my life started again, now that i’m getting used to being on my own again.

The third year in this three-year plan is the year Sandi was dying — year zero, basically; that was hell. And even though i certainly can’t see beyond the coming year, it seems like the curve is headed up.

We had some tough times during our marriage; but we really made that last year count, scheduling trips & concerts around chemo & radiation, with the help of dear friends. Looking back, i really don’t know how we did it … except one day at a time.

I don’t have any advice for people dealing with a terminal cancer diagnosis and the subsequent treatment, other than just keep holding on to each other and keep believing that you can get through it with dignity and love.

And given that i probably won’t be having any more relationships, i’m glad i made the ones i did have count. That is sort of the lesson of my life: prepare to be alone. Some people will not have to deal with that, but for those of us who are alone, it’s both a little terrifying and at the same time comforting.

I was lucky to have had a lot of practice in being alone at the holidays, so i don’t mind it much now. I’ve always got my books & movies & music, so i’m not really alone. And i still have some friends left — and i’m thankful!

2026, here we come.