It’s fair use if i find inspiration from the miscellaneous posts people put up on Sincerely, and more than worth the yearly fee.

Maybe the best companions for single folks in their 50s are dogs and/or cats; certainly they’re lower maintenance than humans, and you probably won’t fight with them as much.

In The Goldfinch, Donna Tartt gets to be honest about romantic relationships, and how they’re not all that they’re cracked up to be; and that a lot of people are just getting by with behaving appropriately enough that it passes for a marriage … that spousal love is going to change with time. Social inertia and expediency. Survival.

Inspiration from a House, MD episode: yesterday i saw the show where the previously-genius patient is basically giving himself a chemical lobotomy so he doesn’t have to suffer because he’s too smart. Am i better off because i lost a bunch of IQ points? Was part of my perpetual misery because i was smart? I am better off, but i seriously doubt that’s the reason. But it was still a good episode.

By this point in our lives, maybe we thought we’d have some great job and a great spouse, but it didn’t always work out that way. Jobs come and go, as do spouses sometimes. We don’t end up controlling as much as we wanted to in our lives, a lot of the time.

Sometimes i get overwhelmed easily.

Or overly frustrated.

Some of it is the TBI; some of it is just life.

I have to not take on too many things at once. If i stick to small tasks, then i can get through the day.

Bicycle across town to pick up a prescription and get the flu shot & COVID-19 booster? Yes, but then i’m done for the day. Maybe a walk later on, or take trash & recycling to the dumpster.

Every day does not have to be a meaningful journey, but there are still peaceful moments to be experienced and beauty to be in awe of.

Relax. Enjoy yourself.

You cannot, in the end, accurately assume much about anyone.

Sexuality.

Intelligence.

Love.

Discipline.

Joy.

Grief.

So you play this game where you assume people’s reactions are basically the same, even though they’re so not. Most people, we really don’t have any idea who they are, or what they’re going to do. Some people, yes; but most people, no.

Stories are about people, but people are too complex to pin down to mere words. So all stories are inherently at least somewhat fiction, even the ones that we intend to be non-fiction.

Nuance is everything.

Be skeptical.

I wonder if anyone has pushed the thesis that Christianity is really just an abstract version of Judaism and the Judaic beliefs.

I mean Judaism to me seems more founded in plain reality. Jews don’t have to wonder whether they’re the chosen people they know they’re the chosen people; but Christians have to earn their way into heaven, a sort of quid pro quo with God.

Big Catholic guilt, my brother would say.

Judaism was supposedly waiting for a messiah, but what it got instead was an abstraction of one. Judaism was fine by itself; it doesn’t need anything.

For whatever reasons, Christians resurrected this ancient tradition of blood sacrifice as a way of making some sin OK with God; but instead of killing an animal and offering its blood to God, Christians drink a glass of wine and pretend that it’s the blood or they eat the piece of bread and pretend that it’s the body of the martyr Jesus.

This is a substitute for the blood sacrifice. Christians still do it, just in a more abstract way. I don’t think Jews worry about sins in the same way the Christians do. Maybe the Jews just look at sins as part of life … stuff you should say sorry for, but don’t sweat it too much. Christianity seems to have a long history of guilt associated with sin.

I’m glad that i’ve gotten to have the range of religious experiences, from evangelical Protestant Christianity with lots of Jewish friends, atheism, Tibetan Buddhism, and finally ending up with Unitarians. Nothing to lose as keep over.

I go back-and-forth in thinking, am I doing better? Am I better off? No easy answers.

I need a project to work on. Whether it’s computer stuff, or…. I don’t know anything else except for computer stuff. I haven’t even been doing my programming stuff for a while, but I could start that back up again.

I’m going to try an app where you read other people’s little bits of writing and stories or something and i’ll see if i can get some inspiration from that. I have three days to try the app for free and i’ll see if it’s worth continuing. I’m trying not to be skeptical.

I guess i don’t have much faith in people, especially people i don’t know. Why should i? I should be more specific — faith that you’re going to have something interesting to say.

Wow, i really am a misanthrope, aren’t i.

So i tried the new app, Sincerely. It’s like an emotional ponzi scheme, with people sharing random stuff, and you can respond if you want. Brings out the misanthrope in me, is what it does.

“It probably won’t get better. Life kinda sucks; get used to it. Work will probably be unfulfilling. You might get lucky with a romantic relationship, but it might not last. But try anyway, because there’s not much else to do in life.”

Maybe i don’t need it. Brings out the worst in me.

“There’s no character limit — no limits to how you can build (or destroy) character.
Life is essentially meaningless; don’t beat yourself up over not finding meaning. Nothing matters. That’s what life is about. It’s all interpretation.
Don’t sweat it.”

I do not think people will like that.

All right; that is enough for tonight.

[OK, one more:

People on this app don’t actually say much. Me included. Brings out the misanthrope in me, reading other people’s bits. Mostly i’m tempted to write sarcastic things in response. Most of the letters i’ve read so far are pretty boring.

No inspiration yet.

Life is boring, if you hadn’t noticed.

How do you pass the time? (I mean, legally.)

Does humor help? A little. Sometimes.

Learn to laugh at life, i guess. It’s not that important. As long as you don’t take it too seriously. Don’t take anything seriously; it’s not worth it.

Blah, blah, blah.

Let’s see what happens.

]