What do I want now that Ojo is gone?

And Sandi.

Maybe I don’t want another cat, just like maybe I don’t want another romantic relationship. Maybe I’m done with those now.

Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to decide … anything. Right now i’m still in the process of grieving, of course; and i don’t have to decide anything for a while.

I think that sometimes people jump right back into another relationship — whether romantic, or with a pet — just because it keeps them busy — it keeps them from thinking about things a lot. Most people seem to want to do and not to think about it.

I have had trouble making decisions for a long time, for various reasons. It feels like i have the traumatic-brain-injury version of multiple personalities.

It feels like my brain, because of the injuries, has been split into a few different parts. Whichever part is in control at a particular time determines what course of action i take. So if i have a long-term plan, i just have to keep repeating it to myself in my head and hope that the right part of my brain hears it and manages to make it happen (or at least to remember it for later). Because it seems like different parts of my brain want me to do different things.

I guess i’ll just see what happens.